Chocolate or Sex ??

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

You can have as much as you want, whenever you want.
It's just as good as when you're awkward and inexperienced.
Can be enjoyed alone - or in a crowd!
You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
If you get some and don't like it, you can give it to your Aunt Sally for her birthday.
No wet spot.
No need to shower afterward.
May make you chubbier, but not because you're pregnant.
When you're depressed, lonely and not in love, you like it even more.
Can do it while you talk on the phone and watch TV
You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
Nobody ever wakes you up in the middle of the night asking you for it.
Few chocolate-transmitted diseases.
You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
You're almost always in the mood.
When you're not in the mood, you don't have to feel guilty or make excuses.
You never have to worry that you look stupid while you're having it.
Chocolate doesn't have to mean anything.
It's never over until you're satisfied.
With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

Why Sex Is Better Than Chocolate....

Guys never call the next day because the chocolate was so good.
No calories, no fat grams.
Does not spoil your apetite or melt in your pocket.
Clears up your skin.
You don't have to import it from Belgium to get the very best.
No matter how much you think about it, read about it and do it, it's still interesting.
Can keep you warm on a cold night.
Doing it in the dark under the covers in secret doesn't make you feel like you need a support group.
Makes you forget about your weight instead of reminding you of it.
May lead to love and marriage.
May lead to the creation of actual human beeings.

Rules of Chocolate

1.If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
2.Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3.The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4.Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

5.If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

6.If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

7.Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

8.Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

9.Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

10.A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? 11.If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

12.If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?